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How We Work: Together

 

the bond is the thing

Our work together starts with a free consultation. If you choose to move forward, we set a few goals. My job is to make sure you’re developing a healthy bond with your child. Once that’s in place, you will have a natural drive that will guide you for the rest of your life.

Most men are eager to make sacrifices for their children, but what they forget is that in order to make a lasting bond you have to enjoy you’re time with your child. Sacrifice doesn’t do it, because it is shared positive emotions that create a lasting bond. This is usually effortless for an infant or toddler (and usually mothers), but for modern fathers it often takes a little work because we think we’re supposed to suck it up. That’s wrong. Your primary job is to find the things that you like to do with your child, so that your child (who’s going to love you anyway) bonds with someone who is happy in his presence.

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New fathers face new life situations. No matter how much love is flowing, much of that time feels like hard work. Lives that once revolved around career, wife, fishing and dining are suddenly saturated from morning to night (and well beyond) with constant motion. It’s enough to make a person crazy. Unfortunately, our culture tends to prefer a good face and a smile than the truth. How many times have you heard a father (or mother) say, “It’s the most wonderful thing I’ve ever done.” Bullshit. It’s hard and you know it.

I see the strain in your eyes. I hear the fatigue in your voice. Because I’ve been there too. We all have.

When I talk with new fathers, I usually say something like, “Dude, it’s hard. I remember trying to put my daughter to bed… I would get angry as shit! All I wanted was this little child to go to sleep, but I couldn’t stop thinking about how angry and frustrated I was that she didn’t. I felt like an asshole. Drove me crazy.” Usually, the tension in those men’s shoulders drop and they look up as if they’ve finally been recognized.

But if sympathy was all I had to offer, I’d be a sham. It’s important to acknowledge our honest experiences, but it’s also important to call out the best in ourselves. We love our children, and we want to be the best fathers we can. Fortunately, it’s easier than we think. Society makes it out to be some big challenge, but millions of years of evolution have made it so that it is quite literally second-nature. We are designed to be fathers, and we don’t have to read anyone’s books to figure it out. We just need to find that natural rhythm. This requires us to recognize our child’s needs, our wife’s or partner’s needs, and our own. You will become a terrible father if you devote yourself singularly to your child, just like you’ll be a pretty lame-ass husband if you all you do is dote on your wife. There is a whole family to raise, not just a child. And guess what? You’re part of it.

 

Rates & Packages

My typical rate is $50 per hour. But I am willing to work with anyone, and I’ll do it for free if you’re really broke. I value a strong and healthy community of fathers and I’m willing to work towards creating it. And not just for rich folks. We all need good fathers. That said, I’m not a nickel-and-dimer and I ask that you respect my time and contribute what you can realistically afford. We’re in this together.

 

New daddy - $149

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After our initial consultation, I recommend three appointments (half an hour each, by phone) to make sure you are creating a lasting bond with your child. This is all it takes for most men to kindle the flame of love. Subjects include: putting your child to sleep, techniques for meaningful play, the importance of touch, avoiding needless books and experts, creating a schedule (or ritual), and boundaries and discipline (or lack thereof). My primary goal is to listen to you, so it will be important to be honest. Included in this package is a month of email correspondence, which is sometimes helpful to address minor topics or to share reflections after consultations.

 
 

Initial Consultation

3 Phone Appointments

1 Month of Email Support

 

 

one year later - $179

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I suggest starting at birth, or even throughout pregnancy, to establish the healthiest bond between you and your child. Time is of the essence - do not delay! However, if it’s a year or three after birth and you are still finding it hard to make a lasting connection, then I can help. This will require a slightly different approach, because you and your child now have some patterns in place and you may have to change them. But fear not, children are incredibly adaptable and so are you.

As with the New Daddy package, I recommend three appointments (half an hour each, by phone) after an initial consultation. We want to make sure you have the tools to create a lasting bond with your child. If three appointments isn’t enough then we can consider additional time, but I only want to help you kindle the flame. Stoking the fire is going to be your job.

Subjects include: putting your child to sleep (if you haven’t already), techniques for meaningful play, the importance of touch, caring for multiple children, avoiding needless books and experts, creating a schedule (or ritual), and boundaries and discipline (or lack thereof). Included in this package is a month of email correspondence.

 

Initial Consultation

3 phone appointments

1 month of email support

 

 

outdoor education - $99

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This package will help you structure three to four hour excursions (or longer) in nature that will be unforgettable. Indoors, adults and children are often distracted by toys, games and the endless to do list. Nature provides an excellent way to get away from all that so that you can sink in together. And you can find it just as easily in the backyard or a city park as you can in the mountains.

*This package is open to men and women, parents, educators and childcare providers.

  • initial consultation

  • 2 phone appointments

  • 1 month of email support

 

 

storytelling - $99

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Storytelling is one of the best ways to connect with children. Just like playing with children isn’t about planning, storytelling isn’t about memorizing. Using three simple techniques, I can teach you how to instantly tell stories that are timely, novel, fun and sure to capture the ears and hearts of the children around you.

*This package is open to men and women, parents, educators and childcare providers.

  • initial consultation

  • 2 phone appointments

  • 1 month of email support

 

 

single session - $49

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If you need a follow up to any of our appointments, I’m happy to hear where you’re at and try to help you move forward. If this is your first time, however, I’d prefer you start with a free initial consultation to see if we’re a good fit.